Are you raising a daughter even though you have had a difficult childhood?
When you haven’t had good enough mothering yourself, doing the right thing by your own children is an even harder task than usual. I think you are heroic- watch above understand why:
If you would rather read- transcript I want to give a shout out to moms who are truly heroic in my book and that’s the mom who, despite having a very difficult impaired mother themselves, somehow managed to pull it out and come through as they’re raising a daughter even when their tank is empty. And that’s what it feels like if you’re not filled up with the good, good enough mother love when you’re raising your own daughter. And she is difficult at times.
New Speaker: 00:41 Of course children are difficult and you just don’t have anything to pull on. The mother that pulls the punch that doesn’t throw the criticism back at the daughter and doesn’t climb down to her level. And let’s face it, we all do every once in a while. But for those moms who. for the most part, manage to not do that. I mean, that’s just, that’s just a level of heroism to me.
Speaker 1: 01:11 It’s also restorative and healing when mom can do that. But I think we shouldn’t ever underestimate, you know, like the mother who has a difficult or impaired mother herself and has an early preteen tell her, you know, she hates her or that she’s ugly or she’s mad at her because she won’t take her to the mall.
New Speaker: 01:43 You know, having been a mom, you know, that just hurts. And if you have in your memory bank, okay, well I gave that to my mom and she didn’t retaliate and went, okay, that’s one thing.
New Speaker: 01:59 But that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about moms who in the memory bank, think I would never say that to my mother or if they did, you know, say something snippy there was hell to pay. There was a silent treatment, there was, you know, criticism for days,.
New Speaker: 02:20 Those moms and then having to withstand their own daughter’s, aggression and hostility coming at them, you know, and they stand in their sovereignty. And I’m not saying that they just roll over and they should give a consequence and they should respond, but not to respond out of vengeance and meanness because there’s always a power differential.
New Speaker: 02:50 The developed adult has had most have had the opportunity to get their impulses in check and so…, so those moms who didn’t have those experiences, but yet they still come through. I just have all the admiration and respect for those moms. So more power to you.
What have you decided to do differently with your children? Let me know in the comments.