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Promises to Our Daughters- Sexual Assault Prevention Starts With Messages Mothers Give To Their Daughters

February 28, 2018 by Katherine Fabrizio

Messages mothers give to their daughters about their bodies reverberate throughout their daughters’ lives and have major consequences for their safety now and later. By that, I mean mothers signal to their daughters what is expected of them through everyday interactions.

Mothers are the initial guardians of their daughter’s bodies first in utero and then later in life. So the messages mothers give daughters are foundational. They start with what mothers say to their daughters and mom’s attitude conveyed through nonverbal cues.

Many daughters in the role of Good daughter are specially programmed to put others comfort before herself. When they have daughters they may struggle with what to say to their own daughters.

It may come down to mom’s willingness to be socially uncomfortable. Women are heavily socialized to smooth things over rather than rock the boat- an unconscious attitude we don’t even fully know we carry.

 

 

 

Here are some questions we need to ask ourselves. 

  1. -Do daughters owe others a hug to show their gratitude- even when they don’t feel like it?
  2. -Should daughters smile to make another person happy and override their own feelings?
  3. -Should a daughter “get over” feeling uncomfortable with a certain relative or family friend?

 

*Daughters encode these messages early on and are either strengthened by them or left vulnerable. (Be easy on yourself -through this discovery process. Most of us have no idea we are carrying potentially dangerous attitudes at the unconscious level.)


 

Many daughters in the role of  Good daughter are specially programmed to put others comfort before themselves.

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Many daughters in the role of Good daughter are specially programmed to put others comfort before herself. Click To Tweet Messages mothers give to their daughters about their bodies reverberate throughout their daughters' lives and have major consequences for their safety now and later. Click To Tweet The bottom line many times is mom's willingness to be socially uncomfortable instead of expecting her daughter to make her comfortable. Click To Tweet Mothers are the initial guardians of their daughter's bodies first in utero and then later in life. What they signal to their daughters matters! Click To Tweet

 

Let’s turn this around and make the following promises to our daughters. Who’s with me?

 

What messages did your mother give you?

Let me know in the comments.

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Filed Under: Good Daughter Syndrome Issues, Parenting Issues

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Katherine Fabrizio M.A., L.P.C.

is a Licensed Psychotherapist with 30 years experience and a mother to two grown daughters. She believes healing the mother wound is the single most important thing a woman can do to empower herself and her daughter.

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Reviews

Counseling by Katherine Fabrizio
Counseling by Katherine Fabrizio
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Mary Lee
Mary Lee
17:49 18 Jun 15
I've had the privilege of knowing Katherine Fabrizio for over 15 years, and benefiting from her clinical knowledge, compassion, and insight. Katherine creates a safe, comfortable environment for psychotherapy; fostering trust and a willingness to explore issues & feelings. While available to work with all adults, Katherine especially shines in her work with women. Mary M Lee, LCSW
Holly Mills
Holly Mills
18:55 21 May 15
Katherine is a woman unlike any I have ever met. She is so understanding, gracious, and affirming in her interactions with others. In my experience working with Katherine, I've come to value our time together as constructive and motivational. She has a knack for cutting through the chaff getting to the heart of an issue in a way that feels so unobtrusive. Her ability to speak to deeper seeded truths that affect our daily lives in our behavior, relationships, and life experience is beyond insightful - it's almost spooky! It's evident that her time counseling women over the past 20+ years really has given her a clear understanding of the issues facing my generation of daughters. I would recommend her to anyone in need of compassionate counsel during hard times. She is a joy to know!
A Non
A Non
14:31 09 Apr 15
Katherine is everything you want in a therapist: kind, warm, extremely intelligent, understanding, and receptive. She makes connections that you might never have realized. She never pushes her own agenda, and allows you to find your way, and focus on the things you feel are important. More than just listening, Katherine provides insightful feedback. Highly recommend!
Kathleen O'Grady
Kathleen O'Grady
15:36 28 Mar 15
Katherine Fabrizio exudes comfort. To be around her is to be creatively inspired by your own uniqueness, and to learn to accept, love, and even laugh at, your perceived limitations.
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