This Is Why -If You’re Not Liberated From Your Difficult Mother, You’re Not Liberated

 

This is SOOOOOO not your mother’s feminism-While we have made great strides in removing the external barriers to liberation, the internal barriers to liberation remain largely untouched. Let me propose a radical notion to you. At the center of your liberation as a woman is your relationship with mom. Here’s how –

 

You learned first from her how love felt and who you were as a woman.  Identity and attachment are learned through her treatment of you and her example. What she experienced is, in some way, handed down to you in your relationship with her. Much of this sticks with you at the unconscious level. Ask yourself these questions- Was mom truly content? Did she feel good about herself and her choices? What did she have to do to take her place at the table? Did she have to claw and scratch, doing twice as much as her male counterparts, to make it in the professional realm? Did she live with double standards and pass her bitterness, along with her potato salad recipe, down to you?

 

Many a mom had to fight for her place in a man’s world by running her masculine energy. In doing so, she lost touch with the most powerful thing about her, her feminine essence.  The culture told her that she had arrived. She could work all day, come home in the evening to make supper, and oversee homework. To have it all, she had to do it all. Even if she didn’t work outside the home, birthday parties, holiday celebrations, providing religious and educational opportunities all lay at mom’s feet. Double standards of almost every kind nipped at mom’s heels.

Baked into this pressure cooker existence was the expectation that mom is everything to everyone. For some mothers, severe psychological problems found their foothold resulting in personality disorders, addiction, anxiety, and depression. The mothers who were the most fragile buckled under the pressure. If you were raised by such a mother, this left you incredibly vulnerable.  Trying to make sure mom was okay has taken a toll on you. At a time when being a woman and a mother was difficult at best, being the daughter of a wounded mother left you with emotional wounds and unconscious conflicts.

We all have a pretty straightforward image of the raging or neglectful father. But the mother who knocks herself out on the front end and then takes out a pound of flesh in cutting comments or micromanaging hyper control on the backend is more insidious and harder to decipher.

Yet, you feel the strings attached to everything she says or does for you. Good for mom wasn’t necessarily good for you. your empathy hasn’t always served you well.  To differing degrees, you bear the collateral damage of a culture that didn’t quite know what to do with the first generation of liberated daughters. They had come some of the way but definitely not all the way. As the daughters of this first generation of liberation, the legacy you inherited has been difficult to understand.

Getting your power back isn’t about bubble baths, or bitchfests, or simply blaming mom. This is about getting real, going deep, and staring down the mixed messages mothers have handed down to daughters.

  • Messages that say you aren’t enough unless you run yourself ragged trying to please everyone.
  • Messages that keep you ashamed of your body and your sexuality.
  • Messages that tell you that you are responsible for your children’s success.

Messages that mom shouldn’t have had to accept in the first place. 

Taking Feminine back is about elevating the old and rising up with the new paradigm.

  • Where Strong is less about acting like a man and more about accessing your feminine power.
  • Where Kind isn’t pleasing everyone.
  • Where Compassionate isn’t constantly apologizing and endlessly explaining yourself.
  • Where Nurturing isn’t being at everyone’s beck and call.

The New Face of the Feminine is rooted in deeply-considered action that is based on clarity. The clarity that comes from being thoughtful and compassionate. Liberating your feminine nature rather than overriding it with masculine energy. This is what has been woefully missing in the liberation debate. Interpersonal liberation is what happens one mother/daughter relationship at a time. Heal the relationship with your mother, and by default, you convey power and liberation to your daughter.

It is arguably, it is THE most important feminist act in making a real change in consciousness. If you don’t become aware of the unconscious lies that say you aren’t good enough as a woman and a daughter, you can’t rise above them. Psychologists know, what you don’t pass back, you are destined to pass on. First to yourself, then to your sisters, and finally to your daughters.  This cycle of passing down the destructive mixed messages, undercutting self-esteem, and disempowering double-speak has had her day.

This is where the daughter, trapped in the role of the “Good Daughter”, breaks free and gets real.

Find out of you are trapped in the Good Daughter role – go here.

 

Raise Awareness. Tweet It Out!

Many a mom had to fight for her place in a man’s world by running her masculine energy. Click To Tweet The culture told mom she had arrived. She could work all day, come home in the evening to make supper and oversee homework. To have it all, she had to do it all. Click To Tweet At the center of your liberation as a woman is your relationship with your mother. Click To Tweet This cycle of passing down the destructive mixed messages, undercutting self-esteem, disempowering double-speak has had her day. Click To Tweet

Heal the relationship with your mother and by default, you convey power and liberation to your daughter Click To Tweet.

To differing degrees, you bear the collateral damage of a culture that didn't quite know what to do with the first generation of liberated daughters. They had come some of the way but definitely not all the way. Click To Tweet The mother who knocks herself out on the front end then takes out a pound of flesh in cutting comments or micromanaging hyper control on the backend, is more insidious and harder to decipher. Click To Tweet You learned first from her how love felt and who you were as a female. Identity and attachment learned through her treatment of you and her example. Click To Tweet For some mothers, severe psychological problems found their foothold resulting in personality disorders, addiction, anxiety, and depression. The mothers who were the most fragile buckled under the pressure. Click To Tweet Compassionate isn't constantly apologizing and endlessly explaining yourself. Click To Tweet

Are you ready to become truly liberated from the inside out?

This is how we rise.

Audio-

DO YOU EXPERIENCE THE "GOOD DAUGHTER" SYNDROME?

Do you have a Narcissistic or Difficult Mother?
Are you the "Good Daughter"? The Rebel? or The Lucky One?
Take the quiz and find out!

Take the quiz!

Do you relate?
If so, here are some ways I can help on your journey from Good Daughter to Empowered Woman:

Do you have The Good Daughter Syndrome? Take the Quiz (It’s Free)

Read the Introduction and Chapter 1 of The Good Daughter Syndrome – Awaken From It. Break Free of It. Heal From it. …for Free- Go here! 

Watch & Learn Video Course Practical Strategies for Dealing with a Narcissistic, Borderline, or Difficult Mother That Work Tips honed from working with daughters of difficult mothers for 30 years, as a psychotherapist.

What Kind of Good Daughter Are You? Conflicted? Independent? Obedient? Take this (Free) Quiz

Consult with Katherine- Private Coaching – When it’s time to tell your story.

Related Articles

Guilt-Tripping Mother? 10 Ways To Stop Feeling Guilty

Guilt-Tripping Mother? 10 Ways To Stop Feeling Guilty

Does your guilt-tripping mother say- "I guess I'm just a HORRIBLE mother..." "After ALL I've done for you ..." "I won't EVER give you my advice again..." "I was JUST trying to help..." "I guess you didn't THINK about how I might feel..." "I don't know WHAT you are...

read more

Comments

0 Comments

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *