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Will You Spend A Lifetime Trying To Please Mom?

October 18, 2017 by Katherine Fabrizio

Are you always putting mom’s needs ahead of your own- working for mom’s approval? Have you spent much of your life trying to please mom instead of following your heart? At some point, you need to ask yourself, “Whose life, is it”? Will a lifetime go by before you are ready to stop living for mom and start living for yourself?

Transcript- Many women feel like there is never a good time to set healthy boundaries with mom. They keep putting it off hoping for the right time. Before you know it- decades go by… and patterns and expectations become set in stone- or so it would seem.  

Mom hijacks the holidays once again- making it about her needs. Or Mom has weighed in on every parenting, dating, job decision for so long- it gets hard and harder to establish new patterns.

When you spend a lifetime trying to please mom, your voice gets lost and it becomes harder to find it.

Yet, despite their frustration, women in their 20s and 30s, don’t really have an acute sense of time. They assume they have forever. They will get around to living life their way, …someday. Then, in their mid-30s, approaching 40, they start to wish that they had done some of the hard work in setting boundaries with their mother.

Wishing mom will change isn’t a viable plan. And it most certainly isn’t a two-way street. It dawns on women in mid-life they get this one life and it matters how they spend it.  “Try to make mom happy, try to please mom, try to get approval from mom; is this a way to spend a lifetime?

Here is the bottom line truth-

If you don’t stand up for yourself and your own needs no one else is going to do it for you. This is the grown-up reality. Being kind and patient waiting for the pay off can be futile- and can waste an entire lifetime. This is a huge revelation for many good daughters.

They wake up to the fact that simply being a good girl is not going to get them what they hoped. 

They wait patiently for it to finally be their turn, only to find their turn never comes. The pot at the end of the people-pleasing rainbow is empty and time will eventually run out.

I can’t stress how devastating this is for some daughters. Many have no idea that they were unconsciously waiting to be taken care of until it dawns on them that this is never going to happen until they make it happen. Take it from me. It won’t happen unless you make it happen. You have more power than you know.

 Is it too late?

I would like to bring you this personal message. I’m older. I’m 59 myself. I wished that I had set some boundaries early on in my life. When I did, it wasn’t easy but it is worth it.

So here’s what I would say to you- why not do the hard work now while you have your whole life ahead of you?

In most cases, mom will adjust. I want to support other women in doing the hard work of setting boundaries while they still have a lot of life ahead of them. Life can be so much more rewarding when you are working for your own approval instead of working for mom’s approval.

I can tell you three things for sure-

1)It’s never too late

2) It never gets easy.

3)If you are willing to do the work the rewards are many.

Become Aware.

Because living for everyone else, even your mother is no way to live.

To find out if you are caught in the trap of the Good Daughter – go here.

Find Your Voice. Raise Awareness. Tweet It Out.

Have you spent much of your life trying to please mom instead of following your heart? Click To Tweet When you spend a lifetime trying to please mom, your voice gets lost and it becomes harder to find it. Click To Tweet

Wishing mom will change isn't a viable plan. And it most certainly isn't a two-way street. Click To Tweet”

Try to make mom happy. Try to please mom. Try to get approval from mom. Is this any way to spend a lifetime? Click To Tweet Because living for everyone else, even your mother is no way to live. Click To Tweet

 

 

 

 

This is how we Rise!

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Filed Under: Good Daughter Syndrome Issues, Mother Issues

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Katherine Fabrizio M.A., L.P.C.

is a Licensed Psychotherapist with 30 years experience and a mother to two grown daughters. She believes healing the mother wound is the single most important thing a woman can do to empower herself and her daughter.

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Reviews

Counseling by Katherine Fabrizio
Counseling by Katherine Fabrizio
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Brisa Silvestre
Brisa Silvestre
19:07 15 Feb 21
I absolutely treasure every single moment I spend in Katherine’s presence. From the very first time we’ve met, I felt very safe and cared for around her calm and nurturing energy. Katherine is truly empathetic and such a generous and thoughtful person. From my perspective, Katherine is one of those really special beings that you encounter once in a lifetime- if you are lucky enough. One of the things that makes being around Katherine so special is- no matter what the subject I was sharing with her, I felt that she was 100% present with me and actually practicing active listening (a skill that only a few possesses). Katherine’s judgment-free and kind approach, guided by her decades of counseling experience and her intuitive intelligence, gave me ease and strength to make choices that would elevate my relationships with my family, my partner, and beyond, while allowing me to process any left over emotional blockages that were obstructing me from healing and deep connection. I’m so grateful to have Katherine in my life, and I greatly appreciate her for inspiring me to continue to grow.
Stephanie Emerson
Stephanie Emerson
21:53 06 Feb 21
I've had the pleasure of knowing Katherine professionally and personally for two years, two very challenging years of my life. And I truly believe that our conversations empowered me to thrive. She has the ability to support you while listening and then by summarizing your words in the most authentic way. We began our relationship in person and were then forced to communicate by phone and through Zoom, her brilliance never dimmed, and I always look forward to connecting with her!
Lisa Canfield
Lisa Canfield
18:51 13 May 20
If you are struggling with "mother issues," or any other issues, i cannot recommend Katherine highly enough. She helped me figure out things about myself that have bothered me for years, that i never understood, that i thought were just part of being "screwed up." I wish I'd found her 10 years sooner, so i could have understood where my pain comes from and be a better mom to my (now adult) kids. if you are thinking about working with Katherine, seriously, don't wait like i did. she understands this because she's lived it herself and she really can help.
Mary Lee
Mary Lee
17:49 18 Jun 15
I've had the privilege of knowing Katherine Fabrizio for over 15 years, and benefiting from her clinical knowledge, compassion, and insight. Katherine creates a safe, comfortable environment for psychotherapy; fostering trust and a willingness to explore issues & feelings. While available to work with all adults, Katherine especially shines in her work with women. Mary M Lee, LCSW
Holly Mills
Holly Mills
18:55 21 May 15
Katherine is a woman unlike any I have ever met. She is so understanding, gracious, and affirming in her interactions with others. In my experience working with Katherine, I've come to value our time together as constructive and motivational. She has a knack for cutting through the chaff getting to the heart of an issue in a way that feels so unobtrusive. Her ability to speak to deeper seeded truths that affect our daily lives in our behavior, relationships, and life experience is beyond insightful - it's almost spooky! It's evident that her time counseling women over the past 20+ years really has given her a clear understanding of the issues facing my generation of daughters. I would recommend her to anyone in need of compassionate counsel during hard times. She is a joy to know!
A Non
A Non
14:31 09 Apr 15
Katherine is everything you want in a therapist: kind, warm, extremely intelligent, understanding, and receptive. She makes connections that you might never have realized. She never pushes her own agenda, and allows you to find your way, and focus on the things you feel are important. More than just listening, Katherine provides insightful feedback. Highly recommend!
Kathleen O'Grady
Kathleen O'Grady
15:36 28 Mar 15
Katherine Fabrizio exudes comfort. To be around her is to be creatively inspired by your own uniqueness, and to learn to accept, love, and even laugh at, your perceived limitations.
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