About Katherine Fabrizio
Dear Daughters of Difficult Mothers,
As your mother’s daughter, you are (and have always been) in a place of vulnerability.
By developmental definition, Mom had and still has power over you- at times more unconscious than conscious.
Either way, meeting Mom’s needs at the expense of your own isn’t good for anybody. Not even Mom.
What it seems to give her… takes from you both.
I’m here to help you turn this dynamic around.
Because not only do I treat daughters of difficult mothers…
I AM ONE.
Here’s my story.
Up until my late 20’s, everything I did was open season for my mother to comment on and critique. She and I both thought this was perfectly normal. We were two peas in a pod. The only problem was one pea was always in charge.
Little did I know there was an underground rage building inside of me until it sunk me into a paralyzing depression I couldn’t ignore.
I would spend HOURS on the phone, writing emails back and forth, trying to get her to see MY perspective, MY side of things, which, (as I am sure you know) NEVER, EVER works.
But I still told myself,
She’s my MOTHER, right?
After all, weren’t her intrusions, criticisms, and judgments for my own good?
I couldn’t move forward in life if she disagreed.
MOTHER KNOWS BEST, don’t you know?
Especially this mother.
She was a debate champion and had a Ph.D. in P.S.Y.C.H.O.L.O.G.Y. for god’s sake!!! How in the world could I possibly know what was best for me?
Yet, there I was… stifling the silent scream of a daughter who wanted to live her own life but was terrified of rejecting her mother. The unconscious math told me this; to break free was to reject mom, and she couldn’t survive that, or so I thought…
It was either continue to live for mom or save myself.
I had a choice, but not an easy one.
One day in my late 20’s, you would find me with a heart full of courage and a gut full of guilt walking into my mother’s office where we shared a psychotherapy practice. Knowing it would put a knife through her heart, I choked out the words I couldn’t bury any longer, “Mom I have to leave home. I’m leaving the practice”.
She didn’t like it, but she did survive and I was free.
And with that, I began the long hard road to becoming my own woman.
That freedom would have to be negotiated at many junctures in my life with my mother. It never got totally easy but it was totally worth it.
Today that anxiety and depression are a distant memory.
My mother is gone, and my own two daughters are grown.
What did I learn along the way?
I learned…
- No one has the right to appropriate your life, no matter how much they claim to love you.
- You don’t owe your mother your life; you owe yourself to live a life that’s yours .
- Raising my two daughters, I learned “I’m sorry, I was wrong” was much more important than being right.
- Letting them go of your children can be gut-wrenching but it is the only way to break the cycle.
- Standing up to my brilliant mother — one anxious moment at a time, wasn’t fatal. We both survived and remained in contact.
- Even hard things get easier with time and practice.
- Making the unconscious traps conscious is the only way to break free.
That’s how I made it to today.
I’ve been in the trenches of motherhood.
For god’s sake, I’ve raised TEENAGERS who became loving, responsible adults.
I’ve made plenty of mistakes, and fell into plenty of potholes, but I kept on searching and trying in a time when there was little to nothing out there for mothers trying to break the cycle…
Every mistake a difficult mother makes, I’ve either made them or felt the pull to make those same mistakes.
All I knew was I didn’t want my kids to feel about me how I felt about my mother. So, I kept searching…
And lastly…
I was there when my mother took her last breath, held her hand, sang to her, and wept.
Not despite her death, but because of it… I’m more determined than ever to help every daughter trapped in the good daughter role break free.
Mom would have wanted that. At least, her better self would have wanted it.
You don’t have forever; none of us do.
My mission and calling is to help every daughter who finds herself trapped in the role of the good daughter break free of this disempowering dynamic and take control of her life.
…and to do so in a way that’s kind and mature, yet powerful.
I hope you will join me.
I bring everything I’ve learned and experienced as a daughter, a mother, and a professional therapist to stop this cycle of pain.
And by everything, I mean psychodynamic psychology, family systems theory, somatic reprogramming, neuropsychology, feminine energy, energy psychology, attachment theory, psychoimmunology, and psycholinguistics. Broken down into everyday language, insights, and exercises backed by science and delivered from the heart of experience.
All to help you, the Good Daughter.
I want to be the therapist I needed then… for you today.
You don’t have forever. None of us do. Living for everyone else, even your mother, is no way tolive.
For me, it’s personal. Now you know why I started The Good Daughter Syndrome.
Stay with me,
Katherine Fabrizio
