It isn’t only the difficult mother in your life that gives you trouble, it is the internalized mother that lives in your heart and head that controls much of what you do and how you feel about yourself.
Mother Daughter Relationship Issues: The Internalized Mother. How your relationship with your mother (past or present) effects your feelings about yourself today.
A child internalizes his or her mother and carries his or her parent inside themselves at the psychological level.
This internalized mother can have an effect on her child even when she is not close by.
The Internalized Mother- Your relationship with your mother (past or present) effects your feelings about yourself today.
Like it or not, whether or mother’s living or not, your relationship with her ( then and now) really matters.
It doesn’t have to be the ongoing current relationship that gives you trouble. It can be the internalized mother that is soothing or torturing you.
We experience… and then take in attachment figures from childhood. Those figures live on in our hearts and minds long after childhood is over.
These are called an introjects.
We take them in and we relate to them as if they were present in our lives.
We take our mothers in and relate to her even when she is nowhere in sight.
That’s the reason why you might feel guilty or check in with yourself and ask…what would my mother think?
It may be out of conscious awareness that you’re relating to this introject.
If mom was hypercritical, her daughter's self-talk will be critical if she doesn't work to separate the two voices. Click To Tweet
To really sort through how you got mom’s approval and whether or not that’s best for you in the here and now is important.
Many times daughters struggle with the question-
“How do I take care of myself, do what’s best for me… and still feel like a good person?”.
“How do I set healthy boundaries with my mother and still feel good about myself?”
The ways in which you learned to be a good girl for mom… may not be best for you in the present.
This is complicated and individual but it’s so important to establish a healthy sense of self, that with a healthy sense of separation from mom in order to decide what’s best for you.
P.S. It is essential that a daughter challenge and eventually rid herself of the hyper-critical statements from a critical mom. These can be deadly to her sense of self-worth. Click To Tweet
This is how we Rise!
DO YOU EXPERIENCE THE "GOOD DAUGHTER" SYNDROME?
Do you have a Narcissistic or Difficult Mother? Are you the "Good Daughter"? The Rebel? or The Lucky One? Take the quiz and find out!