Playing the role of the Good Daughter- always feeling pressured to be better than you are, takes its toll.
Mom’s “helpful comments” nudging you, fixing you, improving you are in reality micro-aggressions that add up over time.
A nick here and a barb there. ” Do you think you should be wearing that? “Are you sure you want to say that? ” ” What will people think?”
For protection, you develop a suit of armor.
This suit of armor protects you from the mom’s barbs and gives you the appearance of being polished. The problem is, when taken to the extreme you feel inauthentic or fake.
Because on the surface you are looking good & being good for someone else.
You fake being nice. You fake being helpful. You fake being happy. You might not even be in touch with how you really feel.
It isn’t so much that you want to be fake, as it is that you can’t trust that people won’t hurt you or reject you if you show them any vulnerability. You worry your real self might not be good enough.
Besides, Mom needs you to be on your best behavior.
To stay connected with mom, you must carry the self-doubt for both of you right underneath the surface, taking care that it doesn’t show and look like you have it all together.
Your anxiety comes from fearing you are one slip up away from being exposed and mom will be right, after all. The awkward, not good enough you will show and embarrass you both.
At times you secretly wonder if there is something wrong with you.
When you are successful you feel like a fraud, an imposter. You worry it is only a matter of time before you are found out.
You lose touch with what is good enough. You can’t ever relax and trust that the real you is good enough.
Living the guarded life of the “Good Daughter” protects mom, but drains the life out of you.