“Hold on sweetie; I’ve got to get this. It’s mom calling!”
Good lord, the invasion of Iraq didn’t take this much planning.
Your oldest is having a play date, SCORE!
The baby down for a nap SCORE!
Your libido is somehow retrieved from the south pole……SCORE! SCORE! SCORE!
A private moment was stolen with your husband/partner, and just as you were starting to, you know, get that lovin’ feelin’, your cell goes off, and it’s YOUR MOTHER!
As your husband rolls over, groaning in exasperation and clicks on the remote control, your mother intones into the phone that your sister has just gotten a DWI……..AGAIN!
With your hand over the phone, you turn to your husband and whisper- “she really needs to talk. I’m sorry.”
And just like that your sex life, or what passes for one, has just been put on life support by dear old mom.
“SCORE” is replaced with “EPIC FAIL”! Your libido just got put on ice.
Right out of the playbook on How to Ruin a Marriage and Lose Your Libido.
Even IF you could start up again time-wise, nothing puts the kibosh on your libido like a convo with mom.
Cause right about now you are feeling about as sexy as a toad.
Is this scenario, or one close to it, is pretty much a scene out of your life?
This scenario or one close to it is much more common that you might think.
And it is deadly to your relationship with your husband or significant other.
What looks at first like almost nothing can gain such destructive force, it can take down a marriage/partnership faster than you can say “Mother, May I.”
Let’s take a look at what just happened?
Did you just choose your mom over your partner? In a word YES!
YES, dearest that is exactly what happened.
And when you never achieve a healthy separation from mom you can’t establish a closeness with your adult partner. But you feel so torn. You don’t want to hurt mom’s feelings.
All too often the mother/daughter duo steals from the relationship which needs nurturing sustaining and developing. It does so quietly, subtly, but surely.
What if I told you that your alliance with your mom at the expense of intimacy with your partner, is a toxin slowly poisoning your love life?
You may know that your mother drives you crazy and gets under your skin, but you may not know that this dysfunctional dynamic with her is stealing the very key to so much of your happiness.
When your Mother is Narcissistic or difficult, this unhealthy dynamic is put on steroids.
The Narcissistic or insecure Mother will experience any closeness her daughter has with another as a threat.
She may give lip service to the idea that she wants her daughter to have a good marriage yet the daughter, especially the daughter in the role of the”good daughter” will feel the tug as her alliance is tested.
Looking back at the wedding, the template was always there.
Mom in her Narcissism makes everything about her. The ‘good daughter” will feel torn instead of supported during the planning stages of the wedding.
Underneath the myriad of decisions, Mom is always calling the question- “who is important here?” Whose side are you on?
The ‘good daughter’ knows, always knows the correct answer.
What first starts as a mother/daughter public event- otherwise known as a wedding, quickly devolves into three people in a marriage in this dynamic.
Before you know it you have formed an unconscious alliance with your mother that leaves your husband or partner out.
How the toxins seep in & begin to poison your relationship-
You may joke with mom about how clueless men are and insist that the women take over because they have to.
What you can’t see so clearly is that your put downs take their toll.
Pretty soon the man in your life checks out in front of the television or buries his head in his electronics.
If you could see inside his heart, you might see that he has given up.
He is programmed not to show it, but he can’t take the put-downs anymore, so he protects himself by tuning you out, and keeping his head down.
Before you know it, this begins to be the new normal.
Here is where the odds are stacked against you-
As a “Good Daughter” you have so many hang-ups about sex, your libido is just a fragile house of cards ready to come tumbling down with the first strong wind of mother guilt.
Sexual shame, mother guilt, and bad girl feelings are anything but a girl’s best friend when it comes to a sex life.
With the business of everyday life plus or minus kids… your sex life can be in the toilet before you know it.
And, sadly when the sex goes a whole lot goes with it.
Did you know that your intimacy with your partner is the key to so much you want and need in life? You may be missing what is right in front of you?
You can learn to reclaim the essential feminine sensuality that your mother lost touch with so very long ago.
Become conscious and tap into this power. Have your way with him and the world.
It all starts with getting it right with the foundational relationship with mom. Whether or not she ever changes.
This could be good. Real good.
This is how we rise.
DO YOU EXPERIENCE THE "GOOD DAUGHTER" SYNDROME?
Do you have a Narcissistic or Difficult Mother? Are you the "Good Daughter"? The Rebel? or The Lucky One? Take the quiz and find out!